Where am I ?

Lost is a figurative word for my existence.

I am beyond that,

Lost is subjective to my vision across this universe,

Across parallel universes even.

A continuum of confusion, isolation and regret.

A visage, an imagery of a lone girl without flowers in her head or screws joining her limbs.

A mask of red and pain from all the wandering.

A catacomb of thoughts and wistful pondering that I once shut in a jar and threw across the galaxy.

Nebulae swallowed it, and spat it back at me, these thoughts too dark for the illuminating presence of hot stars and flying dust.

A lost cause is what I call myself,

Not because I am worthless, but because I have lost all that interests me or makes myself an interest,

A venture to discover.

I am first lost in my room, where i have created one universe, which dwells in the dust of privacy and self- indulgence, sometimes blown away by the breath of my family.

Second, I am lost in the middle of my living room, building a universe of responsibility and self-love which I fear may not see the light of day.

Third, I am lost in a deliberately lethargic universe that is gradually crumbling which I also call the education system, where our peers are controlling and one day you realise you have lost all the good ones, or you are in the process of losing them and no speech or wording can bring back that infinite spectrum of personalities and love because you, yourself is lost.

Fourth and lastly, I am lost within myself, as we close our eyes, we see an endless blackness.

Sometimes I see streaks of light crossing the expansion, sometimes I see a box

And a tiny sack containing the fragments of my sanity in it.

The sack sits alone inside this box of light,

The lock is opening my eyes,

And the key is only and will only be given when i truly and undoubtedly admit to myself,

This never ending paradox of blue and silver of a girl,

This perfect persona of a fragile victorian vase filled to the brim with island roses and yellow-cut daisies,

That I and I myself, am utterly lost and there might not be a way back or a path forward.


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